Mixed Nuts
by BuddhaBooty
Summary: A bunch of totally unrelated stories that I must be nuts to write.
1. Had Me At Hello

_A/N: I own nothing. Okay, so, as the title implies, this is a mixture of a bunch of drabbles. Most won't have anything to do with each other, so they're kinda random. Expect to see more impossible pairings and rating changes as it progresses._

--

"Geeze, take it easy! It was just a joke! You don't have to get all fussy over it!" shouted Po, backing away from the terrifying female.

"A joke?" she hissed, glaring daggers at the panda. "You insult my honor and my friends and call it a joke?"

"What? No! I just meant you two spend a lot of time together! Nothing bad, just, you know, some of us would like a chance to talk to you two at some point!" Po defended, finding himself against a wall, figuratively as well as literally.

"Tigress!" the call had come from down the hall, a green figure approaching the striped female. "Leave the poor guy alone. He was just kidding around. C'mon, let's get cleaned up, I want to go to sleep soon."

Leveling the panda with one last sneer, Tigress left, closely following her green companion as they made their way to the bathhouse, Tigress opening the door to let them in, quickly shutting it in an attempt to savor the warmth of the room.

Silently tugging off her shirt, Tigress seethed at the panda. Sure, he had earned his stay and her respect as a warrior, but that didn't mean she like the guy. He took things to lightly and it annoyed her.

Shedding her pants, Tigress slipped into the warmth of the bath water, sighing as she felt her muscles relax in the soothing liquid.

"So, what did he say that had you so worked up?" came the query from her close friend.

"He said I needed to spend more time with guys before people started thinking I'm gay," she growled, keeping her eyes tactfully closed.

"I'll talk to him later, okay? For now, you just relax," Viper soothed, tail creeping up her umber arm, squeezing her shoulder reassuringly.

"Thanks, Viper. You always know what to do," Tigress sighed, nuzzling the green tree viper's tail gently.

"You're welcome, Tigress," Viper replied, dipping her head down for a quick kiss.

"So, when _are_ we going to tell them?" Viper questioned, breaking away from Tigress for air.

"After you manage to outlast me," Tigress provoked, grinning suggestively.

"Well, if I'm going to outlast you, I think I need practice. Will you train me?" Viper slyly responded, forked tongue flicking over deadly fangs.

"Come here, my student, and learn to decide your release time," Tigress purred, sliding to the other side of the pool, legs spread, seating herself on the underwater ledge as she shot Viper her most 'come hither' smirk.

As Viper slithered across the rippling surface of the warm bathwater, she smiled at how easily she could calm the fiery tempered feline.

She'd had her at hello.


	2. And He Will Be Loved

**And He Will Be Loved**

_A/N: AU, Master Oogway said it was his time, but for what? Not very clear, and besides, who doesn't love an old, wise guy? Warning! Slash and confusion! I dunno what's wrong with me, either, but I love this guy! And no, I still don't own KFP._

Master Oogway glanced up at the top of Jade Mountain. He'd missed his home at the Jade Palace, and was glad to finally have returned.

Walking around the Village, he avoided a commotion and skillfully ascended the mountainside, smile on his face the entire way.

As he reached the Palace gates, Master Oogway paused, thinking for a moment before meandering around to the back. He entered the thick forest and simply stood, allowing the warm summer breeze to seep through his shell, wrap around his body, and welcome him home. Walking forward, he glanced up to see a black and white form hanging upside down from a high branch, clad in patchwork pants, ragged piece of cloth tied around his midline.

"Good day, Dragon Warrior," he called, stepping back as the young panda fell from his perch, landing with a resounding 'thud' on the soft forest floor.

Glancing up with a look of complete disbelief, Po spoke, voice soft though stuttering, "M-Master Oogway? Are you really here? I-I mean, I thought you were dead!"

"Dead? Oh, no, when I said it was my time, I meant my time to go see the Emperor. He had requested an audience with me and I went to see him to discuss his daughters' birthday gifts. My time to die is not for a long time, but you are distressed. What is troubling you?" Oogway questioned, walking toward the panda boy.

Fidgeting at his nearness, Po replied, "Master Oogway, what do you do if you love someone, but you doubt that they could possibly feel the same for you?"

"Well, that is a tough question, but I think that the answer should reveal itself to you if you let it," he answered, oblivious to the panda's blushing.

Po sighed as he tried to clear him mind, a single, nagging doubt that yelled to him the cruelest of things fogging up his heart's desire.

"What if it would seem improper to others for you to love this person?" he asked, continuing his fidgeting.

"Love is love, and whom it is with does not matter. There is a proverb, what would you attempt if you knew you could not fail? Perhaps that is the incentive you need?" the gentle turtle offered, smile never faltering.

Taking a deep breath, Po heard his heart shout, 'Jump! Jump now! Jump before you can think, so you won't regret it!'

Closing emerald eyes, Po did something no one in China had ever done and caught Master Oogway off guard. Lessening the miniature space between their lips, Po pressed full against his master, smooth, youthful lips grazing an age worn mouth, asking permission that was answered with a step back, denying him the kiss he had wanted.

A look of amazement passed over the ancient tortoise's face as he breathed a single question, "You are in love with me?"

Po nodded, rubbing his arm as he held a staring contest with the grass, replying softly, "I have been since you spoke to me at the Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom. At first, I thought it was merely respect, but then I realized that what I felt for Master Shifu was respect. I . . I love you, Master Oogway."

The surprise faded from his face as he seemed to be considering something important, and Po spoke again, "I'm sorry, Master. I didn't mean to offend you. I-I'll just g-go p-pack my things. I'm sorry."

The hurt and disappointment saturated his entire body, and he turned to leave.

A single, clawed hand wrapped around his arm, stopping him in his tracks. Turning, he found himself face to face with the object of his affections. And said person was smiling.

"My dear boy, you didn't even give me a chance to reply," Master Oogway then did the one thing Po had not expected, not that he was complaining.

He kissed him.

Not a light, brief pass of his lips, either. Po felt hands on his upper arms, could smell Master Oogway's travels, a soft scent that permeated his entire being, and he could taste his sorrows, his joys, his life. He tasted of sweet ginger and ginseng, intoxicating and yet, he knew that if he were to pull away, to change his mind, to leave, the tortoise would let him, so he would stay. He would bask, here in his elegant humility, within his strong, withered arms, he would make his home. And he would be loved.

--


	3. Nothing Compares

**Nothing Compares**

--

_A/N: Once again, I would like to point out that I am using a random pairing generator for these stories. That means I put all the names in a bowl/hat/pouch and pick two at random. From this point on, though, you get to decide the pairings! That's right, folks, you put up your fave pairings in your reviews, please still give concrit, though, and if I like the pairing, I'll use it in a story dedicated to you! Good luck! And no, I still don't own it._

_--_

"Where is it? I know it was just here! It couldn't have just walked away! No, no, no, no, no! This can't be happening! Oh, man, where is it?" shouted Po, franticly searching his room.

"What are you looking for?" came a voice, thickly accented and smooth, from the doorway.

"Gah!" exclaimed Po as he fell on his bottom in shock. "Monkey, what are you doing here? I thought you were with Shifu today?"

The primate shrugged as he replied, "He gave me a lunch break. Now, what are you looking for?"

"Um, nothing, it's just, never mind. It's your lunch break, what would you like?" Po queried, avoiding the subject far too blatantly.

"To know what you're looking for, maybe I can help," he answered in that airy tone of his that sent shivers down Po's spine.

"Um, okay, you're gonna laugh if I tell you, so can we please just drop it?" groaned Po, fur tinted pink with embarrassment.

"I won't laugh, now what's wrong?" insisted Monkey, approaching the panda cautiously.

Po sighed in resignation and mumbled, "Your action figure."

Monkey tilted his head to the side as he let Po's answer sink in. He had an action figure of him? More importantly, he was this distressed over losing it?

Monkey smiled as he hefted himself up using Po's arm to plant a comforting kiss on his smooth nose and consoled, "Well, if it meant that much to you, I'll let you borrow the real thing. Would you like that?"

Po's face lit up in what could only be called a thousand watt grin as he responded, "Nothing else could compare."


	4. Late Night Training

**D.J striker's: Late Night Training**

_A/N: To RekonNairu – Decepticons! Retrieve the energon! And since ff won't let me comment on your story right now, I'll just say I totally got the 'freedom is the right of all sentient beings' and 'that's just prime' and I was squealing when I read those and can I call you God? LOL, 'kay, I'm done, on to the story!_

_Oh, yeah! I should also say that this in honor of D.J striker, whose pairing is one of my faves, too! Love ya, D.J!!_

_And for those of you waiting on Magnificent Mistake, I should mention that I'm having writer's block with that one, but I will not abandon it! I just don't want to make it sound forced, so I'm going to wait until I get my inspiration back, 'kay-'kay?_

_Okay, on to the story for real, now!_

_--_

"Ak!"

A black and white ball of fluff bounced about within the jade bowl while the only other occupant of the room looked on, sighing tiredly. Silent moonlight filtered through the opening in the roof, casting itself lovingly upon all in its path, illuminating the obstacle course in its deceiving light. From where he stood, hidden by shadows, the course appeared an easy, simple, safe place, but he knew better. Unfortunately, Po, who had only recently come to the Palace, did not.

Noticing the panda had stopped bouncing, the Kung Fu master watched with great interest as he gripped the edges of the bowl and, grunting with effort, hefted himself out and onto the floor below where he collapsed, panting.

"If all the others can do it, so can I," Po mumbled, barely heard by his unnoticed watcher, who allowed a smirk to cross his face. If he was nothing else, the panda was determined. Maybe that was why he had been sneaking out each night to watch these secret practices. Maybe it was the way, whenever Po would perfect a section of the course, he would do an odd dance that the watcher had dubbed 'the happy dance', or maybe it was because no matter how annoyed he had been at the tubby Dragon Warrior during the day, the way he pushed himself so hard for the hour or two he would practice at night made the Kung Fu master's heart melt faster than the Fiery Field of Death, or maybe it was simply because Po was how the master wished he could be; kind, open, and trusting.

It had taken many years for the master to learn to trust others. Shifu's harsh teaching methods had made the warrior aware of all the traitorous people he could meet. But Po seemed oblivious to the evils, instead seeming to hone in on everyone's better qualities, even Master Tigress's.

The truth was that he had fallen, completely and totally, for the larger male. Po was cute as a button and sweet as honey, and he envied that. Watching Po stand, making his way to the Seven Swinging Clubs, he observed silently when a disturbance greeted his ears and time froze.

The Seven Swinging Clubs of Instant Oblivion had been released.

And Po was climbing over the wooden dragon's coils.

Instinct overriding logic, the observer swooped in, tossing Po out of the way of the deadly obstacles, dancing through the field of spiked pendulums, gracefully avoiding each item. Landing on the other side where he had thrown Po, he knelt beside him and saw his head resting against one of the multiple posts that held up the training hall. His jade eyes were shut, mouth slightly open, revealing flat, pearly teeth, a hand over his chest, out cold. The observer had thrown him too hard and knocked him unconscious.

Sighing in aggravation, he dragged him a bit farther away from the course and inspected the bump on the panda's head. It was a decent sized bump that would hurt quite a bit in the morning, but not life-threatening. Maybe he could convince Master Shifu to give the Dragon Warrior a day off.

Turning from the black and white mass, he smacked the wall lightly enough not to do any damage in frustration. How stupid could he be? He had injured the poor panda, and now he would have to explain to him why he had been watching him in the first -?

Someone was kissing him with soft, smooth lips, thick fur tickling him gently, large paws on his back, creeping up his neck when all to soon it was over. Whoever it was had pulled away.

Opening eyes he hadn't remembered closing, he was greeted by a black and white face smiling softly at him. Worry crept over him at the sight. Did he know? Was he repulsed? Did he pity him? What was going to happen next?

The next words out of the panda's mouth solved all those questions and more.

"Don't worry, Crane, I love you, too."


	5. Never Better

**For Tokokono and corset-rebellion-follower: Never Better**

_A/N: This is for Tokokono and corset-rebellion-follower because I like the idea of your preferred pairing, but this more or less wrote itself, and I felt it would be better as a less romantic story. Please forgive me!! Here is your story!_

_--_

'Gong!'

I leap from my mat, ignoring the initial surge of pain from yesterday's battle, and, with a quick shake of my head, groom my fur before tossing the door aside and scrambling through it just as Monkey exits his room.

"Good morning, Master," we chorus, all five of us, Po still lying asleep in his bed like each of us wishes we could be.

Master Shifu smiles softly at his door (I can feel my blood boiling, how dare that panda make him smile! That was supposed to be me!) as he strides over to the paper wall, slides it aside, and we all see the room is empty. Oh.

I guess he isn't asleep.

Master Shifu's expression becomes serious as he turns to us.

"I am very disappointed with you. I thought I had trained you better to know your limits, and I have no doubt that all of you are regretting running off. My students, the only reason I did not want you to go was because I knew you were not ready. Nothing I do is without reason, so today, training will be different from our usual routines," he explains and I know we're going to be worked as close to death as we can be.

And we deserve it.

Po looked to us for guidance when the task of being Dragon Warrior was thrown at him, and we didn't make it any easier.

Well, I didn't.

Not only that, but we defied Master Shifu's orders and broke his trust. Whatever he throws at us, today, I'm certain it will be well deserved.

We follow our master to the training yard, where we hear Po in the main hall, practicing before we were even awake.

Master Shifu levels each of us with a look that clearly reads 'this, and he battled Tai Lung, yesterday' and I hate it, but I know I deserve it. I hate how that panda can bring a laugh from Master with something as simple as early morning training, but when we mastered our styles, there was not so much as a smile, smirk, or grin. I hate how he seems to care so much for someone he only just met. I hate it, and I think Master knows.

"Since it is Po who you have tried to steal destiny from, he shall have the final say in each of your punishments, so you'd best pray he is feeling generous," Po? Master had called him Po? But he has not called me by my true name in years! It has always species name! It's not fair! It's not fair! It's not fair!

The panda exits the training hall and bows deeply to Master Shifu, bidding him good morning before asking whether he called. Master replies no, but he was about to.

"Now, I personally think that, for their disobedience, they should have to each run the obstacle course one thousand flawless times in a row, restarting if they should make a mistake," Master suggests. I mentally groan. The obstacle course was not difficult, but completing it that many times would be.

Po gapes as he replies, "Isn't that a little harsh?"

"Not considering their treachery, Dragon Warrior," he answers. Treachery. Such a harsh word, and I would do anything to prove to him I am not a traitor, but does he notice me? No. He never does and I doubt he ever will. Training is all he thinks about when he is out here.

"Well, how about, like, fifty?" Po questions and I can see Crane perk up. We would normally do more than fifty each day, so this would not be much of a punishment. Unfortunately, Master Shifu knows this, also, and points it out to Po.

"Oh, um, okay then, but still, a thousand? Man, it would take me days to do that!" Po exclaims and I know he is telling the truth.

"You do not have to complete it, you are not in trouble, Po," Master Shifu reminds him,

"I know, but I'd never make them do something I wouldn't be willing to do myself," Po's nobility earns grudging respect from me, but still, if only Master would smile for me.

"Very well, then, Po, what would you suggest?" Master asks, smiling up at the panda.

I can't take it. The way he is so perfect, always knows what to say, what to do, where to be, and when to make Master Shifu laugh. I'm not sure what's happening, but I feel something snap within me and the next thing I know, Po is beneath me, claw marks on his face and chest, shouting for me to stop.

And I do.

I freeze, horror seeping through me like ice water, coating my bones in an inescapable chill that wraps about my mind, fogging my vision as the world swims before me, and then, nothing.

--

It's hot. It's wretchedly hot. It's unbearably, unbelievably, unimaginably hot. And yet, my body is so cold. Did I drink ice water? Should I be melting, or frozen? Is there anyone I can ask?

I open my eyes to see an aged face, large ears like milk saucers atop it. Vaguely I wonder what it would be like to drink warm milk from them. The room is pleasantly warm, as are – my pants? They are warm and wet and oh, no. I think I may have wet myself.

The scent of burning oil fills my nostrils and I relax further, no longer concerned with the fact that the wet spot on my pants just expanded. So what? I can clean up later.

A sharp pain shoots up from my stomach, burning my throat as I feel my shirt, face, and neck grow wet with several random lumps scattered about, acidic smell overpowering the incense and I am painfully aware of the fact that I just threw up on Master Shifu and myself.

I groan slightly as a cool cloth wipes the chunks of partially digested foodstuffs from my face, whispering in a soothing voice something I can't bring myself to care about.

"M-Master?" I question, coughing slightly as he wipes more of the vomit off my tunic.

"Yes, Mai?" Mai. He used my name? I haven't been called my real name in so long; it took me a moment to realize he was talking to me. Suddenly, that jealousy I had felt before turned into self-hatred. I had been cruel to Po. I should apologize.

"Master, I'm sorry. I don't know what happened to me, but-" Master cut me off.

"I do. You had caught fever from infected injuries, namely the ones from Tai Lung's claws. You're very sick, and you won't be leaving this room for at the very least a week, am I understood?" he asked, seriousness never leaving his expression.

I try to think of what Po would say here, so that I might be able to make Master laugh as well.

"Great, so I get a babysitter and all?" I try, giving the best smile I can.

Master sighs, leaning over my green tinted face as he whispers, "Po may be good for a laugh, my dear, but you are my rare tiger lily, and I am so very proud of you, there are not words enough to explain. You have become a strong, kind, and beautiful young woman who was forced to grow up far too fast. I know you wish to please me, but know that no matter what you do, no matter whom you hurt, betray, or even kill, you are my daughter, Tigress, and I love you, and nothing on this Earth can change that."

I feel tears well within my eyes as his lips brush my cheek. He is proud of me. He has said so himself. He always was, and he always will be.

I feel nimble fingers tugging at the strings of my belt and I glance down to see Master Shifu with a clean pair of pants beside him, undoing my current clothes to help me change.

A gasp escapes my lips as I realize he's going to see me undressed.

He chuckles as he reminds, "You forget, Tigress, I cared for you since before you first opened your eyes. Trust me when I say there's nothing left of your physique to surprise me."

Blushing as I realize he is right, I lift my hips slightly, annoyed at how much effort the simple action requires, and allow him to tug the pants the rest of the way off, taking the soiled garment and placing it in a basket full of my dirty laundry.

"Do you need to go?" he asks softly, a tone that has me trusting him like a father.

"Um, yes, Master Shifu," I mumble, ashamed that I am so ill I cannot do something so simple as go to the bathroom on my own.

Helping me up, he guides me over to the door at the side of the room, one of three, and leads me into a bathroom as I realize where I had been sleeping. Master Shifu had given up his own bed for me.

Helping me sit, he leaves for a few moments while I take care of my business, shakily standing as Master enters the room, helping me back to the bed, which has clean sheets on it, and tells me to lie down on the floor so he can clean me off. I silently comply, feeling exposed and embarrassed beyond belief.

A bucket of warm water that had escaped my notice held a clean towel in it. Master Shifu plucked up the towel, wringing it mostly out, before he set to work, cleaning my thighs, outer then inner, my stomach, and finally giving my the towel, allowing me to retain some dignity as he took the hamper out of the room, returning several moments after I finished cleaning my lower regions off, gently plucking the towel from my hands, handing my a dry one to pat myself off with, and taking it out of the room, probably to be with the rest of my dirty laundry.

Master returns after I finish drying off and helps me into a clean change of pants. Undoing my shirt, he helps me out of it, too, and places it beside him, pulling out another bucket of water, cleaning the remainder of the vomit off of my chest, forearms, neck, and face. Drying me off and getting me into a new tunic, he lifts me up to the bed and lays me on it, placing another cloth, this one drenched in cool water, upon my brow, telling me to get some rest.

"Wait, Master," I call as he is about to pick up my dirty top.

He looks up at me with kind, paternal eyes.

"Um, thank you, Master, for taking care of me. I have heard that most masters do not care for their students when ill, so I am flattered that you would care for me, and I am sorry for my behavior, weakness, and for betraying you," I stutter, searching for words that would not sound rehearsed.

He smiles as he walks over to the bedside and pulls himself up next to me, sitting on the edge of the expensive bed.

Planting a small kiss on my nose, he replies, "Masters don't, but what kind of a father would I be if I care nothing for my daughter?"

And he smiles.

Watching him walk out the door, I wait until he is a good distance away before allowing a fit of girlish giggles to fall over me.

He smiled for me! His student, his daughter! Despite the fact that I am ill enough to be put under quarantine, need help in going to the bathroom, and managed to piss myself and vomit within the same minute, I'm positive that I've never felt better.


	6. Change

**wolf-deamon333 and D.J Striker's: Change**

--

_A/N: Dedicated to wolf-deamon333 and D.J Striker. No, I still dun own it! But from now on, each chapter needs at least two reviews before the next goes up! Thank you very much!_

_--_

"What's that?" questioned the avian warrior, pointing at a metallic sheet covered in blackened circles.

"Can't you tell?" asked the primate, cocking his head to the side.

"If I knew what it was, do you think I'd be asking?" shot back the bird.

"Guess not. They're almond cookies. Po gave me a recipe for them!" he excitedly exclaimed.

Crane grimaced as one of the 'cookies' crumbled into charcoal.

"They look more like disasters to me," he mumbled, watching Monkey's expression fall.

"I know," he sighed, putting the tray down on the kitchen table. His sullen demeanor hurt Crane to have to watch, and so, lifting the languor up in his wings, Crane nuzzled the side of his face with his beak, hugging the smaller male close to him.

"Love, maybe you should leave the cooking to Po," he advised, feeling Monkey's soft lips trail kisses along his slender beak.

"But they're my favorite," whined the primate, pulling back to give Crane his best, big-eyed pout.

Sighing, Crane's wing fluttered up his companion's spine.

"Well, maybe I can change that," he growled, playing with Monkey's sensitive tail.

"Maybe you can."

And, hell, the tray of charred cookies was bound to be forgotten.


	7. Secret

**RekonNairu's: Secret**

--

_A/N: For RekonNairu, one of my best friends, who suggested this pairing. Lots of fun to be had with it!_

_--_

Warmth all around me, comfortable and safe, kind and loving, warm. Something cool sat upon my brow, stray drips of water trickling across my face, pooling in my ears. I twitched them once, flicking the water out of them, then continued to lay there, completely content to just stay there, ignoring the memories of the battle I had just lost.

Yes, I had just lost a battle to a big, fat panda. Yes, I had just discovered my lifelong ambition was nothing but a bad philosophical joke. Yes, I had just managed to survive the WuXi finger hold. You could have told me all of that and I still wouldn't have cared.

It was warm.

I hadn't been somewhere warm and comfortable and peaceful as this in over twenty years, and the rest of the world could kiss my ass. I wasn't moving.

I twitched slightly as I heard footsteps approaching me. Crap, I really didn't want to move.

"Good, you're awake. Can you sit up?" a soft voice questioned. I groaned as I glanced over to see an elder goose with a tray in his wings waddling towards me.

"Where am I?" I inquired, struggling to sit up, only to fall back down on the comfortable bed.

The goose sighed as he laid the tray on a table beside me, and then helped me to turn so that my back was propped against a wall.

"You are in my restaurant. This used to be my son's room, but he isn't here, so you may use it," he explained, lifting a teapot from the tray and pouring some of the sweet smelling liquid into a small cup, handing it to me to drink.

I looked dubiously at him, and he seemed to know what I was thinking.

"Of course I know who you are, Tai Lung. I also know what you've done, but you are injured and I would rather maintain my honor by helping you than ruin it by leaving you. Of course, what happens after you are healed is that you should leave the Valley," he exclaimed, and I accepted it. Honor was a big thing around here.

Taking a sip of the drink in my paw, I nearly choked. Not out of disgust, no, but the fact the tea I was drinking I recognized. That brand of tea cost more than most of the villagers made in their lifetimes.

"That's my own blend, a spin off on Emperor's Gin (a type of tea). Is it really that bad?" he asked, clearly concerned, soft, brown eyes shimmering in the gentle sunlight.

"No, it's amazing. How did you make it?" I replied, taking another sip of what I was certain could pass as ambrosia.

He smiled widely as he responded, "That's a secret! But I'm sure you are hungry, would you like something to eat?"

He indicated the soup bowl and I greedily grabbed it off the tray, downing the entire bowl in three gulps. Delicious! For someone who had been well fed all their life, it would seem above acceptable, but for someone who hadn't had a meal in over a month, the guards at Chor Gom had grown wretchedly lazy, it was heaven.

I groaned as my stomach protested to the sudden presence within it, shutting my eyes to keep out the nausea, and winced as I felt something hard hit my shoulder.

Opening my eyes, I found the old goose to be standing there, holding a wooden spoon, looking rather annoyed as he ranted, "I was going to say you should eat slowly because your body may not be ready to accept it, yet! You silly, silly cat!"

Giving me a bucket just in time, I emptied my stomach's contents into it, along with my dignity.

Dear gods, was this what I had been reduced to? Looking to peasants for help? Perhaps it would be better and save me whatever remained of my dignity to just die then and there.

Hearing a sigh, I looked up. The goose was putting what looked like mint leaves into the teapot, mixing it all together before pouring me another cup.

"Here, this should help settle your stomach," he handed me the cup and I drank it slowly, washing away the acidic taste of vomit as he took the bucket out of the room.

As I watched him waddle out of the room, a stray thought in my mind noticed how cute his bum was. Delirium. I had delirium. I was certain of it. There was no other explanation as to why I was having these thoughts about a **male goose** that, by the looks of him, was nearly **twice** my age.

No, it was just that I wanted to know the secret to the tea. That was all. I was just excited that there was a new secret to pursue. Of course, ha! How could I have ever thought I was in love with a goose? He was going to tell me, whether he wanted to or not!

When he returned, I demanded, "You're going to tell me the secret to this tea."

He looked at me with a serious smile and said, "Not a chance, it's a family secret."

"What's your name, anyway?" I inquired, trying to think of a way to get a kiss – the recipe! I meant the recipe!

"Tzu Ping. And no, I'm still not telling you," he replied.

"Oh yeah?" I questioned, and before I could stop myself, I had kneeled in front of him and smashed our faces together, savoring the flatness of the front of his beak, how smooth his feathers were as I ran my hands down his sturdy old wings, and the way he completely slacked as I licked the front of his beak.

"Tell me," I demanded, giving his beak a quick nip.

"No," he responded, shutting his eyes as a smile flashed across his face.

I was certain I had lost my mind, but, hey, not like anyone would care, anyway, so I let the next sentence fall freely from my lips.

"I love you."

Tzu pulled away, opening his eyes as he spoke.

"You do know I'm Po's father, right?" he breathed, looking straight at me.

"Are you married?" I asked, pausing in my assault of his beak.

"Well, no, but-" he protested, but I cut him off.

"Do you object to this?" I questioned, licking the underside of his beak.

"No, but –" I pressed my lips against the front of his round beak, sliding my tongue between the top and bottom to taste him.

"Then shut up," I commanded, resuming my exploration of his mouth.

Feeling a light smack to my bottom with what I quickly identified as a spoon, I smiled against his mouth. Feeling him smile in return, I carried him to the bed, intent on prying that 'secret recipe' out of him by any means necessary.


	8. Moments

**Kippis05's: Moments**

_--_

_A/N: This is the last story for this series, and I thank all of you who read and reviewed. Also, look for __The Golden Mountain__ by Awerewolf, which should be coming out soon! It's a beautiful story about a friendship formed between two of the most unlikely people, and trust me when I say it is awesome! Awerewolf is new to the fanfic community, but you wouldn't be able to tell by her writing! So, as said before, look for her story, and if you should read it, be sure to help her out and leave a comment! K thnx, bai!_

_--_

"Hmm, Viper could you hold up the chart again?" the insect crawled up his current patient's back, looking over their shoulder to see the DaVinci-esque drawing.

"Oh! Okay, thanks, Viper. You can go back to your room, now. I can handle it from here. Thanks again!" Mantis called after the green tree viper's retreating form.

"Are you sure you're up to this, Mantis?" his patient asked, posture remaining flawless.

"Yeah, sure. I'm always up to you, love," he replied, allowing a single, delicate claw to run down her back.

"Love you, too," she sighed, gasping as she felt a stealthy claw race up her spine, tiny tongue licking the back of her neck, working its way up to just behind her left ear, earning a stifled moan from the South China tiger.

"Stop it, Viper is right next door," she groaned, tilting her head into the sensation.

"But that's what makes it so fun, Tigress," Mantis teased, taking as much of the tip of her ear into his mouth as he could, two sets of hands playing with the edges of the trained ear.

Tigress growled lightly, but allowed her ear to be tinkered with as the needles that protruded from her body calmed her fiery attitude and sore muscles. While the insect grated on her naturally unstable nerves almost constantly, she really did love him, and he did have his occasional moments.

"You know, you really need to get laid."

This just wasn't one of them.


	9. How Could This Happen?

How Could This Happen To Me?

I own nothing. Done to thank FalconMage for PMing (kinda) Awerewolf for me. One sided.

--

_I open my eyes  
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light.  
_

She could feel the light penetrating her eyelids, threatening to blind her even as she lay on the ground, immobile and cold.

_I can't remember how  
I can't remember why  
I'm lying here tonight  
_

"Hello, my dear," growled a husky voice, causing her to flinch internally as if she had been touched by a hot coal.

"Are you comfortable?"

She wanted to shout at that voice, scream and kick and punch at it, but she couldn't. She was frozen in place by nerves she had trained again and again to obey her. She almost laughed at the irony.

_And I can't STAND the pain  
And I can't make it go away  
No I can't STAND the pain_

"You know, after I take the Dragon Scroll, I could return for you. I could take you with me, and we could be together. You and I, nothing but the world against us, and we could run for as long as you like, to a place outside glory and shame. Would you like that?"

'If such a place existed,' she thought bitterly, trying to kill him with her eyes. 'I would never go there with you.'

_  
How could this happen to me  
I've made my mistakes  
got nowhere to run  
The night goes on as I'm fading away  
I'm sick of this life  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me  
_

"Oh, don't look at me like that, Princess. I'm not a monster, I just want what I deserve: my scroll."

_Everybody's screaming  
I try to make a sound but no one hears me_

Had she been able, she would have screamed as she felt his hand run along her spine, strong paws racing down her curved sides. He bent over to lick her pointed ear like a delicate candy, taking the tip of it into his mouth to run a sandpaper tongue along the edge.

_  
I'm slipping off the edge  
I'm hanging by a thread  
I wanna start this over again  
_

"In another life you and I could have been together, but society has already taken my chances with you away. Maybe next time we will have something. Maybe next time, things will be okay."

_So I try to hold  
On to a time when  
Nothing mattered  
And I can't explain  
What happened and I can't erase the things that I've done  
No I can't  
_

"If there was a way for me to go back, to change this, I would, but this time, I am meant to do this. I need the vindication. I need revenge. And I'm sorry, my dear, but I need that more than I need you, at least this time."

She felt her blood boiling in rage. He needed revenge? More than her? And why did she even care what he needed? Why did it hurt to hear him telling her he wished he could love her? Why did she want to follow him? Why did she need him?

_  
How could this happen to me  
I've made my mistakes  
got nowhere to run  
The night goes on as I'm fading away  
I'm sick of this life  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me_

Slowly, he stood, facing the Valley of Peace. He walked toward it, one step, two steps, three steps, turn. He didn't face her, but turned his head just enough for her to catch his last words to her.

"After this, I may have to kill you. Should that day come, I want you to know, I love you, Tigress."

And he was gone.

_I've made my mistakes  
got nowhere to run  
The night goes on as I'm fading away  
I'm sick of this life  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me_

'I hate you!' her mind screamed at his retreating form, even as Crane landed clumsily on the platform, picking each of them up to fly them back to the Palace ahead of the villain.

'I hate you! You hurt my master, my friends, and me! You are a monster who cannot be trusted! You wretched, lying, sickly beast! I hate you so much!!! I hate you, I hate you, I **hate** you!!!'

Looking down, she saw him staring up at her and felt a twinge of remorse at leaving.

'I hate you,' she repeated, feeling tears mist her vision. 'So why do I love you, Tai Lung?'


End file.
